Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 17

Chapter 1: "What about his sideline blowups?"
By "blowups" you mean shouting things on the sidelines when you have absolutely no idea what he's saying (but that won't stop you from assuming...you act like you've never seen an athlete yell before)?

Yeah, that.

It's such a big deal, after all. It's only about as common in football as players going to night clubs. There aren't hundreds of players who shout at some point on the sidelines every single week or anything. Football, an emotional game? Get out of here.

But if Terrell Owens is a "child" for getting frustrated on the sidelines during a football game, Jerry Rice is a zygote.

It's all a matter of perception, though. Here's a little video I made to illustrate the discrepancy between the portrayal of Owens and Rice.



As you may note, Rice's "TELL HIM TO THROW A F-ING SPIRAL!!! A F-ING SPIRAL!!!" tirade directed at Steve Mariucci came after the 49ers had just scored a touchdown to go up 10-3. Rice had dropped one of "Pro Bowl" quarterback Jeff Garcia's token wobblers down near the goal line.

Owens, on the other hand, went off on Greg Knapp after the team was stuffed on 4th and 2 (the screen says 4th and 1, but look at where the ball is) with 10 in the box down 28-0.

Who is the "selfish" one and who is the "team oriented player" again? Oh, but that's another topic.

I'll also never forget hearing the then-ESPN Sunday Night Football crew rave about Dolphins tight end Randy McMichael shouting at his team's offensive linemen on the sidelines during a football game. "I like that, it shows leadership," they spewed. Contrast that with Joe Buck blasting Owens for shouting at Cowboys offensive linemen during a game against the Eagles in 2006. Oh, do I sense a double standard here?

The reality is this: Shouting on the sidelines is part of the game . There is nothing wrong with it...it's what happens when you're in a loud stadium playing a physical sport and you need to get your point across. Sometimes coaches are yelling plays. Sometimes players are yelling adjustments. Sometimes players are yelling at each other to motivate each other. Sometimes players are yelling at each other because they're frustrated over what has been happening on the field. Sometimes players are yelling at coaches because they're frustrated with play calling. Sometimes coaches are yelling at players because they're frustrated with them. Sometimes coaches are yelling at players to motivate them. Sometimes players are yelling just to yell...because they're excited and in the moment on the sidelines.

Are fans and journalists really this out of touch with reality? What do they think this is, golf?

Well, only if you're Terrell Owens, it is.


At any rate, when Terrell Owens is on the sidelines and his team is losing the game, there are four possible things he can do, and he will receive criticism from someone for all of them (these are things people have actually said on various internet forums):

1. Smile

Result: "He doesn't care about the team! He's happy because he's
getting paid and caught a few balls."

2. Frown/Look disappointed/Frustrated

Result: "He's pouting! Pouting is unacceptable. He's giving off
bad body language. His body language is having a negative effect on the team."

3. Look stoic

Result: "He doesn't care about the team! He's mailed it in this
year. He's so selfish, as long as he's getting paid he doesn't care."

4. Shout at people in an effort to motivate the team.

Result: "OWENS BLEW UP!!! There he goes whining about not getting enough balls thrown his way. He's such a cancerous distraction. Our season is over!"

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by Jordan Taber